Invisible Mummy

With her heart aching, she reluctantly let her son’s hand go, calling out “I love you! Be a good boy! Listen to your teacher!” as he joined his walking group and took his first steps toward elementary school and his bright future.

All set for the first day of school

While feeling so very proud of him for facing these new challenges with eagerness and determination, in her heart she desperately wished she could take his hand and go to school with him.

He’s off onto his greatest adventure so far

Thing One has entered first grade of elementary school and with that has brought a new routine, a new mountain of things to remember to pack, sign and organize and a separation that has brought a bittersweet mixture of pride and sadness into my heart.

That first day was tough.

Having rarely been apart since he was born, on this momentous day, Thing One was not far from my mind. My stomach was in knots. I watched clock tick backwards all morning until Thing One would be home from his first day of school. At 11:50 on the dot, with shaking hands I dialled our home phone number, not knowing what to expect.

Hey Buddy, how did it go? How was your first day?

It was good, Mummy! But I missed you. I didn’t cry though. Some kids cried, but I didn’t cry. I wanted to…but I didn’t.

It hasn’t taken long to settle into our new routine. Each morning, I walk with Thing One and his walking group to the corner of the main road, give him a kiss goodbye and wave him off as they waddle like ducks across the road and onwards to the school.

Waving and smiling, she wished her son a good day and watched as he walked up the road, laden with bags, and an umbrella. She paused and noticed that he was holding the hand that she’d been holding as they walked together in a strange position. Chuckling to herself in wonder at what story or game he was playing in his head, and turned to head back to the house.

Each day, I look forward to our lunchtime telephone chats. Thing One regales me with tales of new friends he’s met:

That strange boy and girl came and talked to me again today, Mummy.

Did you remember to ask them their names?

Oh. No. I forgot again.

He tells me about his teacher:

I had to read for Sensei today, Mummy.

Oh? Did she say you’re a good reader?

No. She didn’t say anything. She just made some happy sounds.

He tells me of his frustrations:

I had to draw a line Mummy. But my pencil wasn’t cooperating. I wanted to yell at it, but instead I just gave it a smack and then it behaved itself.

Overall, Thing One is happy so far at school. In a very short time, he’s become more confident, more mature and more thoughtful towards others. But inside, he’s still Mummy’s Boy and some days are tougher than others.

I was walking to school today Mummy, and I missed you. So I held my hand the same way it is when you’re holding my hand and pretended you were walking with me. Then I felt better.

There’s that mystery solved…

When my heart starts to hurt Mummy, I don’t cry. I just pretend that you’re there, but you’re invisible and only I can see you.

Invisible Mummy is always there to give a cuddle.